the newts.net

I’ve been a bit under the weather recently, hence a few days without any posts. When I did eventually managed to drag me sen out of bed I noticed that my garden was under the weather too…

…About 6 inches of weather to be precise!

It’s awful really, and you shouldn’t make light of other people’s misfortunes…

…But you’ve got to admit that this is very clever and I must admit, I laughed my pants off.

Not for cat lovers among you, this bouncy, bloody, cat killing 12 bore shoot’em up’s a right laugh. And if you read the disclaimer… He loves cats really ;0)

An overhead projector, a fist full of sand and an incredibly talented guy. This is worth a watch.

Not Penguins playing baseball…

…The penguins ARE the baesball :0)

I think the trick is to hit the penguin fairly low so he skims across the snow. If his beak sticks in the snow and he doesn’t bounce, you need to hit him a little flatter in trajectory.

And my best is…

Cat-a-pult —> Cat squishing catapult game. [498KB]
Elf bowling —> Fun bowling / deck quoits game using elves. [1.46MB]
Get Osama —> Shoot’em up / shoot’im up. [271KB]
Kill Kenny —> You killed Kenny… You BASTARD! [435KB]
Hangman —> The classic word guessing game. [59KB]
Pie at Bill Gates —> Custard pie chucking action. [493KB]
Torpedo Joe —> Ship sinking game. [812KB]
Ali rap —> Cool little Ali G. rap making program. [409KB]

9 Coronas —> Singing beer bottles. [846KB]
Marrige —> How they start and how they end up. [675KB]
Hey Mr. Taliban —> Funny animated song. [799KB]
Singing Dumbass —> Billy the loud mouthed Bass. [668KB]
Start mover —> Moves your start button around the screen. Don’t ask me why! [278KB]
The Fisherman —> Animated joke. [545KB]
Touch the pussy —> Pussy stroker. [266KB]
Fountain —> Fun and theraputic water thingy. [127KB]

Now that’s got to sting a bit. [2.11MB]
Arse Skewer

Amazing motorbike street stunts. [32.6MB]
Xtreme biking

Adult Zippy out of Rainbow. [746KB]
Zippy

Super skill table tennis. [3.81MB]
Tabo

This is fantastic. If you haven’t seen it before it’s a must! [3.41MB]
Matrix tabo

I want me one of these. [9.15MB]
Radio controlled motor bike

YOU wouldn’t stand much chance against this guy. [1.72MB]
Table footy

But THIS guy might. [2.1MB]
Table footy II

World record breaker. [1.66MB]
Cup stacking

Funny cat montage video. [3.13MB]
Cats

Crashes into a dude on the runway. [1.45MB]
Radio controlled jumbo jet

Now that’s fast! [15.3MB]
Jap arcade game

Matrix style cow fighting action. [2.74MB]
The Mootrix

Ghyslain, the much talked about school kid. [1.33MB]
Star Wars kid

…Fantastic new pictures of the Martian landscape have been beamed back to Earth by NASA’s roving Mars lander craft. This just in:

Coor indeed :0)

A WOMAN walks into a bar and asks for a double-entendre…
so the barman gives her one.

A BLONDE walks into a library and says, “Can I have a burger and fries?” The librarian says, “I’m sorry, this is a library.”
So the blonde whispers, “Can I have a burger and fries?”

WHAT do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.

Clocked at 406 mph!

“Since we Brits already hold the land speed record as a result of jet-powered Thrust SSC going supersonic in 1997, it seems only natural that we should attempt to be the first nation to break the sound barrier with a petrol-driven reciprocating-engined vehicle.” Said The Register.

“DRIVER Peter O’Flynn was stunned to receive a speeding notice claiming a roadside camera had zapped him — at an astonishing 406MPH.” Said The Sun.

Ahh, GATSO’s don’t you love ‘em :0)

I’ve updated to the latest version of WordPress, version 1.0.1. So I thought to celebrate I’d throw in a bit of a new look and a new header logo. I took the picture while I was fishing at Loch Fitty in Fife, Scotland. Me & Willie Douglas were supposed to be fishing a competition there so prior to the comp we travelled 300 miles to spend a weekend getting to know the water. As it turned out the competition venue was moved, but far from being a wasted journey, we had a fantastic weekends fishing at this gorgeous Scotish water. We stopped in the Halfway Hotel in Kingseat and fished the loch over 2 days. The loch was beautifully kept with a good size shop and cafe / snack bar for morning butties. The owners and the locals were very friendly and the fishing was fun. It was a long way to travel for a weekends fishing but I enjoyed it that much I’ll definitely be going back.

BOTH LIPS BOTH CHEEKS!

Click the pic for biggy… (800 x 600 - 226k)

What a fantastic picture. Wish I could claim credit for it, but it was taken by Rach & Jo.

Well it was only for $1 and that $1 was divided into 18 prizes!…

…of which my share for 3rd was 12 cents!

But it’s not the money that counts (good job… 12 fking cents!) It’s just nice to know out of 120 players, you’ve beaten 111 of them to arrive here…

Click pic to see the final table.

Robert Kilroy Silk quits…

Oh we will miss that loud mouthed, egotistical, self centred, self opiniated twat. Good riddance I say.

“No loss. Poor show with self-centred presenter, interested only in his own views and opinions. Pity some other day time TV presenters wouldn’t quit also.”
Big Bill, Maidstone, Kent.

I’m with you Big Bill!

With what seems to be a never ending stream of new internet security threats, viruses and mindless morons wanting to hack you, I thought I would go and test my own security precautions to see how effective they are. I remember a program my mate Rick showed me when I first got my pc a few years ago now called shields up. Basically it’s a site that, on your command, will attempt in every possible way to locate & connect to your pc in the way a hacker might do. I’m pleased to say the newts power pc scored PERFECT in all tests. As far as the test were concerned, my pc was 100% in stealth mode, did not respond to any probing, and as such would seem “invisible” while connected to the net. I’m sure there’s never 100% safe but every little helps. Try it for yourself and…
‘Probe Your Ports!’

Shields Up.

Security against unwanted probing of your ports and potential damage by hackers is obtained via a firewall. I use ZoneAlarm Pro which according to my shields up test report seems to be doing it’s job very well. Another nice feature about ZoneAlarm is it asks your permission before letting anything connect to the net. It’s truly amazing how many programs you’ve got sat on your computer that once you connect to the net are sending and receiving tons of information without you knowing it… Usually about you and your surfing habbits!
So if you want to protect your pc and prevent it from sending details of everything you do to all and sundrie then I can recommend ZoneAlarm.

ZoneAlarm does have built in email scanning as well that will keep an eye on incomming mail to make sure there are no nasty surprises in there for you. Remember, a lot of viruses scan the infected computer’s address book and sends itself to everyone in there. You may think that an email from a close friend is safe, but if his pc has been infected without his knowledge, the virus may well have mailed itself to you without either of you knowing. You can’t be too safe.

Your final line of defence should anything make it through your firewall is of course an anti virus program. It’s ok being firewalled but if you load up a floppy disk off a mate that’s infected your firewall won’t help you there. If you’re already infected you need to deal with the problem too. There are hundreds of anti virus progs out there but I like AVG’s Anti Virus.

So stay safe people, scan and clean up that hard disk, install and run a firewall and anti virus software, and finally probe those ports to make sure all is working as it should be!

Now it’s the YORKIES who are getting bombed!

Hurrah for the Yanks! ;)