the newts.net

Remember this fab advert?

Well now take a look at this very well done spoof advert
featuring the old Citroen 2CV.

2CV —> [2.79MB .wmv file]

You know there comes a day when you’ve got to hand the spoon over to them and let them learn to do it for themselves. And then there’s times when you think to yourself ‘No hang on, I’ll give it another week or two!’ It is funny though. Click the pic for a biggy.

And after much trial and error I’ve eventually managed to sort out the text wrapping pictures issue. So now I can post a little picture and have the text wrap round it like in this post.

And it’s not just pictures on the left that can be text wrapped. I can also now add a picture to the right hand side of a post and have the text wrap that also. And as with the picture of Ben ‘feeding’ himself, or should that be PAINTING himself with yoghurt, if you click on this picture of him as a baby with my Dad and his Grandad, it will also take you to the bigger picture in the gallery.

A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office. The man said to the
dentist, “Doctor, I’m in a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my
car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and
just pull the tooth and be done with it– I don’t have time to wait for
the anesthetic to work!

The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness–this sure is a very brave
man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain.”

So the dentist asked him, “Which tooth is it, sir?”

The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth, Honey, and show the
doctor which tooth hurts.”

An incredible little bit of underwater filming of an octopus camouflaging itself against some vegetation. Looks even more incredible when they run the film in slow motion backwards.

This little download is definitely worth 48 seconds of your time.

Octopus — > [2.91MB .wmv file]

…And the coveted First Class Refrigeration trophy. Played - Thurs 21st April 05

It was only by default that I got an entry into the NRGS society day at the lovely Garforth Golf Club near Leeds. Bov was penciled in for the tee off but was unable to attend so at Gaz’s request I filled in for him last minute.

The NRGS is a golf society of refrigeration engineers who host several competitions a year at various golf courses across the north of England. The competition was played over 9 holes in the morning and 18 in the afternoon, culminating in an evening meal and presentation.

My fourball included engineers Garry Ornsby and Brian Capindale, and guests Peter Clarke and myself. Running alongside the NRGS competition was an 18 hole competition for Gaz’s FCR trophy.

None of us were in the running for the NRGS trophy although Brian, his two sons Scott and Paul, and Gaz all won prizes for finishing lower down the order. As for Gaz’s FCR trophy…

Bov was the holder but was unable to defend his trophy, Brian Capindale won it with 32 points stableford playing off a 16 handicap. Pete Clarke was 2nd with 26 points stableford playing off 13 handicap. 3rd was Gaz with 24 points stableford playing off 14 and last (or 4th as I prefer to call it) was me with 22 points playing off 25.

A fabulous day out, we were blessed with the weather at this gorgeous course which was up until the morning we played closed due to waterlogging. The meal was exquisite and the company just above average ;0) I look forward to a period of practice and improvement before my next society invitation, although a muscle strain has led to a cancelled golf lesson and a laying up of the clubs for a few days. It won’t be long though before I’m back in action and getting in some practice ready for my impending defeating of Gaz!

I got out up yesterday morning and a heard a faint tap at the window. Opened the curtains and there was little bird flying from a rose bush in my garden straight at my window and back again. I watched him for about 5 minutes and he just did it continually. Strange. Went to get ready for work, half an hour later I come back down stairs and the same little bird is STILL there flying at my French doors as if trying to get in. So I got the video camera out. It didn’t seem to bother him that I was stood infront of the window, he just carried on regardless. I don’t know how long he continued his stunt, I had to leave for work! But here’s a small clip so you can see for yourself.

Crazy Bird —> [3.79MB .wmv file]

Today saw 8 Lincolnshire engineers take on 8 Yorkshire engineers at the Oaks Golf Complex in Aughton Nr. Market Weighton (North Yorkshire).
The day consisted of 9 holes stableford in the morning and 18 holes match play in the afternoon.
One of our team was unable to make it at last minute so after a little persuasion we managed to draft Pete Clarke in.
Brian Capindale and I managed to draw against 2 bandits playing off 24 & 28 so it was always going to be a close match with them having far too many shots. With Brian and I never being beaten in a match play event before we were positive and managed to win 2&1, Clarky and Paul Capindale won 3&2. A fantastic result for the lads allround and a great day was had by all.

Does anyone know of a shop that sells large trophy cabinets as mine is getting rather full!

Keep an eye on the site as next week is the First Class Trophy challenge at the Garforth Golf Club in Leeds (current holder is Mr Bov) .

Tomorrow sees the newts playing the best golf club in the area…. Grimsby Golf Club.
We’re only doing 9 holes so that Scott can ease his way back into it, but by all accounts I will be taking no prisoners as he has already beat Bov and Pete off scratch!!!!!!!!

It’s been a while but can you remember Rodney Carrington’s
Dear Penis song and animation?
Well I was surfing today when I came across this funny little song and I thought to myself I recognise that voice. Another little gem from Rodney Carrington…

Not the Curling Iron —> [2.3MB .wmv file]

Shut your f*cking face uncle f*cker.

Love it. Worth watching just to see Tony Blair & Michael Howard farting on Charles Kennedy’s head. Quality election entertainment ;0)

After a layoff of about 10 or so years I’ve decided to play a bit of golf again. With a little help from Wayne Melton at Louth Golf Centre by way of use of his indoor driving range and the vast selection of the latest clubs he has available to try, and after 2 days of intensive testing and several days of net research, I opted for the following weapons of choice:

Irons: Taylor Made RAC OS 2 Steel Shaft.
Reviews.

Driver: Ping G2
Reviews.

Fairway Woods: Taylor Made Rescue Mids.
Reviews.

Putter: Ping My Day.
(Kindly donated / on loan from Gaz.)

Never fantastic by any means I enjoyed a few good rounds (along with a few not so good ones) at several local golf courses, most notably Kenwick Park in Louth, where I occasionally played to the equivalent of a high 20’s handicapper. Not bad for a particularly testing championship course that Kenwick is. Other than that though I have never held a true golf handicap, which I suppose would initially deem me a 28′er. So at least I’ve got some mark that I can aim to improve on.

Just to get me in to good habits (or possibly more to get me out of bad ones) I’ve taken a course of 5 lessons with local Pro Steve Bennet. Prior to my first lesson (Yesterday) I’ve had my first two 9 holes of golf in 10 years at Humberston Park par 3.

First target was a score under 50. By no means impressive, but you need to start small and aim high. My playing partners for the first round were Gaz & Bov and for the 2nd round Bov & Pete.

Here’s how the players stand in handicap order:

BOV - 12
PETE - 15
GAZ - 17
ME - 28*

Whereby the lower your handicap the better player you are. So in theory, Pete’s a better player than Gaz and Bov is the best.
(Thank you to Bov for pointing that out to me!)

The scores for my first 2 rounds were as follows:

Round 1.

1st - Gaz - 40
2nd - Bov - 41
3rd - newts - 46

Pretty pleased with that. Under 50 for my first round and only 5 shots off the master Bov! Even though Gaz beat him so technically, for this round anyway, Gaz was the master.

Round 2.

1st - newts - 38
2nd - Bov - 40
3rd - Pete - 41

Astounded! I know it’s only Humberston par 3 but even so I can say once, if only once, I beat the master SCRATCH!

I’m just looking forward to Sunday morning now when I take on Willie ‘the gut’ Douglas on his home turf of Laceby Manor. Oh what a glorious first time scalp that would be. I’d love to do him scratch but if necessary I can always invoke my 4 shot head start on my 28 handicap over Willie’s 24. And on the other hand if I lose terribly I’ve had a great day out and there’s always the beginner status to fall back on. Either way it’s a win - win situation. Apart from the ceaseless piss taking I’ll get at work if he does beat me. Still, my time will come, just look at the fly fishing results!

You’ll be pleased to know that I’ll be kicking off my ELECTION 2005 coverage with the most interesting article that’s likely to come out of the next 3 weeks of political gesturing and finger pointing.

WHO’S GOT THE BIGGEST CHOPPER?

Remember the ‘Beetle Bonnet’ picture I posted?

Well here’s an update!

found by wez.