the newts.net

After an undercover late night session involving 40 posters and a pot of of wallpaper paste, the South Parade lads receive a call from the council’s Poster Police department and are forced to spring into action with OPERATION CLEAN-UP!

If by some remote chance you didn’t see one of their adverts for the latest set of gigs, you’ll want to be paying a visit to their website.

Forthcoming gigs include:

Thurs July 7th ‘05 - The Fiddler, Cleethorpes
SOUTH PARADE + Richard Dutton + Guy Keeble (DJ)
Admission £2.50

Where the newts and a small entourage will be in attendance for filming, photographic duties and generally a good piss up with the obligatory after gig trip to the Indian.

The Band however will have to take things somewhat steadier because the next day they will be jetting it, or more probably, vaning it down to the Junktion7 club in Nottingham to support The Lovers, the brainchild of Tom Hingley who was the lead singer in The Inspiral Carpets.

We took a trip down to Rand Farm today and what a great little place it is. Not massive by any means but great for the littl’uns with all the usual array of farm animals as well as gerbils, rabbits, tortoises and even a chipmunk or two. There’s a nice little eatery, a great big shop, an indoor soft play area and a huge outdoor play area. Not to forget several tractors! We had great fun :0)

Under 2’s go free which was a bonus for 22 month old Ben, and it’s only a fiver or so for adults. It’s not the kind of place you think of going as an adult, but there’s a whole new world of fun to be had once you’ve got a little boy as an excuse!

< --- Click the cow and go there now.

…Not so sprightly :0(

Not a massive fan of the Man by any means, but he seemed a chilled out down to earth nice guy Eddie type of guy, not an ounce of arrogance and ever the gentleman. Surprised and saddened to hear of his death at just 61.

Whiteley, 61, the host of Channel 4’s daytime game show Countdown for 23 years, died in Leeds General Infirmary.

Whiteley, from Ilkley, West Yorkshire, fell ill with pneumonia last month, but had been said to be recovering slowly.

More from the BBC. More from SKY.

It started oh so nice and sunny and then the heavens opened. They must be gutted. Nothing sucks like camping in the damp wet weather, especially when you’re damp, wet and your tent’s sailed away!

This just in from my hosting company…

DFL Suppport wrote:

> Hello,
>
> Please note that your domain is suspended by our by our Admins as your account was using very high resources of the server which was causing problems to the other sites hosted on the server.
> Please do contact us back if you need more assistance or information.
>
> Thank you,
> Regards,
> DFL-Michael
> (Dataflame Support Team)

You know you’ve hit the BIG time when your site’s hammering the server that much that they shut you down!!

Yeah the bastards just switched me off, no warning no kiss my ass nor fcuk all. It’s sorted now. I’ve had to bow and scrape a bit to get back online - delete a few bits here and there and alter a few things but the newts lives. It looks like I may have chewed and spat my 2nd hosting company though, so yet again I’ll prolly have to start looking for a kerrrwality host that can handle the newts.net and it’s rapidly growing army of banwidth whores.

Breaking news everybody… TIM HENMAN is out of Wimbledon at the second round stage. Once again the great white hope has failed to bag himself the long coveted Wimbledon title. He does usually get a bit further on than this year, but I say SERVES him right for being a mardy, arrogant, ungreatful shit. If he’d spoke to me like he spoke to the ball girl I’d have smacked the cnut.

Good Riddannce.

Bov’s company Oliver Construction are building a new doctor’s surgery just down the road from our house, and Ben just has to go down and see the ‘diggers’ everyday. He absolutely loves to watch them and he’s always pointing out the window saying “DIGGA - DIGGA”

So Bov sorted it for him to have a sit in the cab of one today. As you can imagine, he loved it. The only problem being he’s going to expect it every day we go down there now! He also made a new friend while we there. MIXA! He’s fascinated with the washing machine so you can imagine how long we had to sit and watch 3 bricks go round and round in a cement mixer for!

A bit of a mixed batch on this post. Starting with this quality rainbow that I spotted the other day. It was a perfect semi circle and the colour was really vibrant against the dark background sky. I took the picture on my phone so it doesn’t quite do it justice but you get the idea. Reminded me of this very vibrant double rainbow I photographed at home last year.

Had the garden grass expert guy round the other day to give the old lawn a once over. He analysed the lawn, fed it and weed killed it. He then told me not to cut the grass too short. 1 inch minimum. I must say the lawn’s greened uplovely letting it grow that little bit longer, but today I couldn’t resist cutting just a little putting green for my golf flag :0) Which is where I’m off now. A quick game of golf with fellow beginner, Steve ‘the roof’ Courtney. (Rach’s Dad).

Couple of nice new additions to the site in the menu bar over there on the right are Random Pics and Last Commented Pics. Both pretty self explanitory, random pics can be clicked to take you to the BIG picture in the Media Library, as can Last Commented Pics which appear on the site when, yes you’ve guessed it, you leave a comment on any of the pictures in the media library.

And finally on the way home last night I heard on the car radio that the jury in old Wacko Jacko’s trial were ready to deliver their verdict. Rushed home, got the Sky News and…

NOT GUILTY on all 10 counts! or should that be

NOT PROVEN GUILTY on all 10 counts?

Any thoughts?

In one’s ceaseless search for attaining the perfect golf swing, there’s a hive of information out there on the net. I’m not overly concerned about perfection just yet, I just want to hit straight consistently. So it’s helpful to look at video of good golfer’s swings and compare that to what my swing looks like to try and find areas to improve on. While searching for such videos I came across this. I love it, it’s hilarious. And I’m definitely going to master THAT swing as a party piece. Take a look for yourself, I’m still laughing now!

Click the pic to watch it from the Media Library.

And the inaugural Newton Invitational Jug Golf competition.

So away the 10 of us went to the De Vere at Slaley Hall for an overnight jolly and a round of golf on the wonderful championship Hunting Course. Bov, Trace, Wez, Tones, Pete and Jackie were off early morning, and Me, Gaz, Rach & Suzi followed later on in the afternoon. Obviously Bov needed to get off early to fit his Burger King pit stops in. It’s nice to see all that hard work at the gym is paying dividends!

It’s a beautiful part of the country Northumberland, and Slaley Hall is equal to it’s surroundings. We met up in the bar, and had the snooker room all to ourselves where we shot a few frames and sank a few beers. A very relaxing start to a lovely weekend.

The evening meal was nice, nothing exceptional for the price we paid, but the service left a lot to be desired. And when we found out that they’d given Bov’s birthday cake to the wrong party then words had to be said. They were, and we received £150 off the bill. That at least went some way to easing the pain!

Next morning it was up bright and early ready for the days golfing action to find the weather was damp, wet and generally miserable. Such a shame as the previous day was glorious. Still we weren’t going to let it dampen the spirits so off onto the first tee we went.

Newts was towing his trolley, Pete was carrying, Gaz had his PowaCaddy and birthday Bov was in the privilaged position of being chauffeured around in the buggy by camera man Wez.

It’s a glorious championship course is Slaley, beautiful, but difficult with it. We were playing Stroke Play so every stroke counted and the results were as follows…

1st - Garry Ornsby - 101 gross - 84 nett.
2nd - Scott Newton - 115 gross - 87 nett.
3rd - Peter Clarke - 103 gross - 88 nett.
4th - Bov Oliver - 104 gross - 92 nett.

It was only a VERY close longest drive competition win for Bov that prevented Garry from achieving a clean sweep of all the medals and the coveted jug. Wez did score a prize for best supporting role as camera man and buggy driver, although the competition in that particular field was a little ‘thin’ to say the least!

A big thank you to Bov for organising, and subsidising to a large part, his own birthday bash. A wonderful weekend away with great friends. The rest of the golfing pictures can be found here.

And there’s some pics of the night do here.

All this talk of Wez’s Asian Frog has just reminded me of a Joke Bov’s old man told us at the golf club yesterday. It was all the more amusing due to the fact that sat to his left was his playing partner Dr. Ramana Singh. (Or Rama-lama-ding-dong as Trev calls him)

What’s the difference between a 69 and an Indian wedding?

You only have to kiss one smelly cnut during a 69!

It’s a fine testament to the dire state of the music charts lately when the fcuking Bling Bling Crazy Frog gets to No.1! Off on a slight tangent though, here’s the fantastic CRAZY FLOG:

And Wez’s ASIAN FROG: