the newts.net

So, last weekend me and the tones went to the whitby music port festival. Now, your webmaster professes to be a lover of music, but you wouldn’t think so looking at his mp3 collection!

Still, it was a three day world music day event, with bands from spain/mexico/turkey/india etc. etc., with a little bit of folk thrown in. We saw Talvin Singh headline on Friday night (Mercury Music Prize winner 1998 or something) and met up with him Sat morning. Nice chap.

The contrast for me was on Saturday, where’d we’d done salsa, watched a great flamenco guitarist, saw some african drummers, some indian bird and yat kah, who were quality, and just a major overload of fantastic music. We then go back to get changed for the night do, and I stick the telly on to X-Factor, with two nuggets singing “Desperado”, and being adored for it.
People like that have no love for music. I don’t think they even know what it means. I’m sure Simon Cowell listens to stuff like soul and jazz, but sells crap to the masses because it does just that…sells.

Still, if like me you’re sick to the back teeth of hearing the same sht day in day out whored out on corporate fm, do yourself a favour and listen to music that people make out of passion, not because they can make a record company a profit.
Check the links out from above, or just go root out stuff from talvin singh, los del abajos, flame.co, oojami, baghdaddies, yat kah and asere. There is some seriously good music out there.

Good morning ladies. Your webmaster is currently away sunning himself whilst Rach’s sister ties the knot on some sunny beach in lanzagrotty, although I don’t know what he’ll say to his photo comments being taken over by 13 year old girls.

I was given the task of posting some stuff whilst he’s away, upon which I’ve failed miserably. I’ve been busy doing a film for the local film festival, www.meniscusfilms.com thats on tonight/thu/fri and culminating in the independent film makers short film competition on saturday, featuring about 12 5 minute short films made by local people.

Get yourself down to whitgift and support the films being shown, including the french heist thriller le circe rouge. If you’re prepared to sit through the crappy remakes of oceans 11 or the new italian job, then give yourself a treat.

The girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.” “What is it, child?” “Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.” The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, “My dear, I have good news. That isn’t a sin… it’s simply a mistake.”

I’ve noticed a few of these floating around the net recently and I’m quite impressed. So impressed I want to try it for myself so I’ll be hunting around any mags I get my hands on for likely material. Infact why not give it a go yourself. Let’s make a compo out of it. I’ll put up a crisp 20 pound note for the best pic.

Rules are simple:

1. Pics will be judged mainly on the quality of the effect of the illusion. However bonus points may be awarded for (a) Humour and (b) Female nudity.

2. I am the judge, what I say goes, full stop.

3. Competition closes when I say it does.

So get your cameras out and send your entries to:

competition@thenewts.net

I just hope someone can find this picture in a magazine. They’d be on to a sure fire winner matching all 3 criteria and stacking up a shitload of bonus ponts on the way!

Love it! It would look great in Coutney’s drive parked next to his new door!

What makes it all the sweeter is it was sent to me from JOEL! (A Spurs fan!)
The same Tottenham that were defeated 1-0 by the MIGHTY MARINERS!!

It’s been a couple of trips down the M62 and a while in the making but South Parade’s latest studio releases were worth every bit of the effort. This rough copy is hot off the press, received literally a few hours ago, and now available for you to download and Sample for free! Remember these are just an unfinished rough 1st edit and are yet to be finalised in the studio. The finished articles will become part of a proposed 6 track EP featuring these 3 tracks plus “Lovebug”, “Northern Soul” and the very latest track which is yet to be recorded called “Golden Dawn”. Once mastered you’ll be able to get hold of the EP for just a few quid at any South Parade gig or through the South Parade website. In the mean time, download and have a listen to these, they’re quality.

They’re all big files ranging from 4MB - 6MB so if you’re on a slowdem or you just want to pick one on the fly then my track of choice would be “Satellite”. It sounds fantastic, it’s catchy and it’s the smallest download of the three at 4.07MB. Featuring Oli on lead vocals, James on lead guitar, a consummate performance on bass from The Boy ‘Fingers’ Freeman and a very slick high hat routine from Tim ‘Bird Fucker‘ Chapman.

Satellite —> [4.07MB .MP3 file]

Next up is the most recent composition of the three, the wonderfully rocky “You Don’t Know”. This one just makes you wanna sing along with your Donnay squash racket air guitar. There’s definitely something of the Rolling Stones about this one. Crank it up loud, close your eyes, and imagine Mick Jagger, lips pouting, skipping up and down a huge stage swinging a microphone around his head. Love it.

You Don’t Know —> [6.0MB .MP3 file]

Finally one of South Parade’s original set list tunes is James’ “The Music Makes You High”. Aka (On some live outings) The music makes you gay. Love the opening riff and the ensuing relative serenety of the opening lyrics. It’s got a sweet jangly sniff of stereo chorus to it. Don’t be fooled though, we quickly descend into a thrashy guitar and vocal distortion. A bit of a Pandora’s box this rollercoaster ride of a tune. More so when they nail it live, but it’s refreshing to hear it in this studio guise with added keyboards, post production after effects and those Oo la la’s definately have a head shaking ‘Beatlesque’ feel to them.

The Music Makes You High —> [5.40MB .MP3 file]

So me and Rach had a trip down to the local college drum bar to see the latest episode of “South Parade - The Band” unfold.

First on stage was Nick Austwick, a hardened writer and performer but usually in his solo guise. Today he fledged his new band Turning Tides. Before the gig started I was informed of the somewhat lengthy sound check and a unanimous vote of no confidence in the sound guy. He wasn’t good, and Nick’s sound suffered a little at the start. But after a few minutes that was rectified to an acceptable level.

I liked their sound. No drummer (that’s pending) just acoustic, lead and bass guitars. I’m looking forward to hearing more from them and I’m sure they will be on the set list of many a forthcoming South Parade gig.

Next up were the quality rock outfit Sonic Purveyors (aka the sonics). I loved their first track, and their whole set has a definite air of polished performance. They have a great stage presence, especially Simon’s vocal and physical exertions. Consensus seems to be they could easily move further up the scene.

Then the parade boys took the stage. First song up was at the mercy of dodgy the sound guy on the mixing deck, but he finally pulled his finger out of his ass and sorted it out. I thought it was another well rehearsed gig, well executed by all, and with the drum bar pretty full and buzzing there seemed to be an extra slice of passion in their performance. “Ben” was brilliant, loved it.

Looking forward to their next outings on Thursday 20th October at the Spiders Web in Grimsby, and why not join me on my birthday as we descend on the bright lights of Cleethorpes and the Bootlegger on Friday 4th November. A great night guaranteed - music or no music ;0)

Other memorable moments of the night included:

1) A veritable plethora of women describing the lesbian love scene they’d just witnessed in the toilets. Not once but 3 times and involving different birds each time. Unfortunately the information only made it back to the male fraternity once the action was over. Again, not once but all 3 times :0(

2) Gaz’s indepth and unabridged lecture on the design, installation, setup and workings of the drum bar’s air conditioning system. (Which he fitted). Very thorough, including an external viewing of the outdoor units.

3) The emergance of Tim’s lovely girlfriend Aimee. Finally we can quosh a few of those rumours.

4) Tim’s new hairdo.

5) The very sad news that Tim’s hawk “Kes” had finally succumbed to living with Tim and decided to hang himself. Please feel free to sign the very sentimental and touching book of condolance that subsequently appeared on the South Parade website.

Excerpts of which include:

“oh and Kes is dead you heard it here first, tim was upset for a few minutes and then realised he loves killing animals so alls well that ends well”

” RIP kes. i personally think kes’ death was suicide…i dont know many birds of prey (hetrosexual ones anyway) that enjoy living in solitary confinment inside a childs play house with only a dead baby black bird, a rirfle and some rabbit heads for company!”

” suicide was my first thought, but the autopsy found him with a tiny gimp mask and a penis size hole where his arse used to be. Tim is definately a serious animal lover. “

” get fucked you lot kes is now in my freezer”

” Any one fancy sparrow hawk and chips round at tims tonight. ha ha “

R.I.P. ‘Kes’. 2005 - 2005

James’ thoughts.

It may be a little old hat now, and I’ve had this video a while, but it’s very well done and does raise a few questions that have yet seemed to go unanswered.

It specifically concerns the Boeing 757 that crashed in to the Pentagon. It’s a flash file so if you haven’t got flash player you’ll be needing this free copy here. If you haven’t seen it then check it out, it’s worth a look.

Pentagon Conspiracy theory —> [2.97MB .swf file]