the newts.net

UPDATE: HITS SO FAR (09/02/07) = 100,007

I NEED YOUR HELP!

I’ve been working on a website or two for my Uncle. He made me a deal…

1 MILLION HITS in exchange for a TWO GRAND LAPTOP!

It’s as simple as that folks. I deliver him 1 million hits (not unique visitors but hits) and he stumps up £2,000 for my new power Laptop. This is where I NEED YOUR HELP!

All you have to do is spend a few minutes (and as many clicks as possible!) browsing his sites. His main site is connected with his art. Newton-Art.com contains samples of Steve’s paintings, drawings and etchings as well as books and academic papers he has had published.

Steve’s latest paper, (recently published in ‘State of Art’ Winter 2006), is entitled…

You may find it an interesting read as it covers methods of painting by voiding bodily fluids. I’ll say no more!

Steve’s other site is online but is still in it’s development phase. It forms a matching pair with his art site, being entitled “Newton-blues.com” and features Steve’s guitar playing and love of the blues. There’s already numerous tunes on the site that you can listen to for free. We hope to be getting some video performances on the site very soon so it’s worth bookmarking and checking back regularly.

My personal favourites are “Candyman“, “Cocaine Lil” AND “Hard Pill to Swallow“. Check the site out, have a listen and let us know what you think. All feedback is greatly appreciated, good as well as bad!

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL - FOR THE SAKE OF ONE MILLION HITS AND MY TWO GRAND LAPTOP - PLEASE RACK UP THOSE HITS!!

SO, LOYAL NEWTS DOT NETTERS, SEND THIS LINK TO ALL YOUR MATES AND HELP ME OUT. I’LL KEEP YOU POSTED ON MY PROGRESS.

[COPY AND PASTE THIS LINK INTO AN EMAIL AND SPREAD THE WORD] —>

http://www.thenewts.net/archives/2007/01/21/help/

Thank you ;0)

the newts.

I read these and absolutely laughed my tits off. So bad I had tears running down my face. I don’t know, you might not find them funny, but I pissed myself laughing…

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas’ pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last……

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Just to wish you and yours a happy and prosperous 2007. Have a great night tonight and many more throughout the year.

To the 280,000 visitors to the newts.net, and your 11.5 million hits throughout 2006, thanks for visiting the site, and I hope you’ll be checking back at the newts.net regularly in 2007.