the newts.net

After England’s dismal performance in the Euro 2008 qualifiers, It’s nice to see this useless c*nt get the boot. The kindest thing I can say about him is that he was reasonably magnanamous in his sacking (he was too much of a pussy to resign), and it is with a modicum of smugness that I read my post from 16 months ago…

(Refering to England’s exit from the World Cup at the hands of cheating b***ards Portugal and that whinging tart Ronaldo)

“So we’re out and I’m gutted. The best collection of players we’ve had for a long time. We had the talent to walk this world cup, we just didn’t have the team or the tactics. The reason / blame for that can only stop with Sven-Goran Eriksson. But he’s gone now so there’s no point in bitching on about him, but what worries me is Steve McClaren was sat next to him! Did he have any influence whatsoever over Sven’s decisions? Was he in agreement with them? I Just don’t know. I do know that he doesn’t fill me with confidence though.

My England manager of choice would have been Scolari. If the F.A. would have approached him in the correct manner he would have snapped up the England job. Scolari’s admitted that himself. I think he’s a man of princial though, and the F.A. screwed up by pushing him for a decision while he was still comitted to Portugal. Our loss.

Next for the job I’d have liked Guus Hiddink, followed by Big Sam Allardyce, with McClaren in fourth. I hope I’m wrong and SM can turn a great bunch of players into a great team (who can score penalties just in case). We’ll soon find out though, Euro 2008 qualifiers will be on us before we know it.”

http://www.thenewts.net/archives/2006/07/02/christian-ronaldo/

I’m just gutted that the ‘Special One’ is not up for the England challenge. I think he’d have been a brilliant England manager.

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Residents of the western UK and Irish coasts have been warned to expect an invasion by a vast flotilla of ghostly, immortal albino plastic ducks, according to reports.

The tale of the floating, whitened bird migration is a strange one, dating back many years. It seems that the plastic bathtime companions were originally made in China. They were on their way to America in 1992 when a terrible storm struck their vessel in mid-Pacific, and shipping containers holding 30,000 of the hapless playthings were washed overboard.

A majority of the ducks – at that stage still tinted a healthy yellow – headed south, many of them reportedly finishing up in Australia. Ten thousand of the plastic ducks, however, went north, embarking on an endless odyssey across the world’s oceans.

The luckless fleet of cursed, wandering sea-going toys – Flying Duckmen, perhaps – circled the northern Pacific for some years before a fresh horror befell them as they drifted into the Arctic. Here they became frozen into the pack ice, suffering untold torment in their icy prison as they slowly transited past Greenland into the Atlantic.

Bleached pale by their hellish polar ordeal, the doomed ducks drifted onward. Thawed-out plastic voyagers have landed since the turn of the century in New England, Iceland and Canada, and one may have been found in the western Hebrides in 2003.

A retired American oceanographer named Curtis Ebbesmeyer has monitored the ducks’ progress for the past 15 years, and it’s his prediction that the plastic playthings’ perpetual peregrination may now be headed this way.

Ebbesmeyer briefed the Evening Standard yesterday, saying that “We’re getting reports of ducks being washed up on America’s eastern seaboard.

“It is now inevitable that they will get caught up in the Atlantic currents and will turn up on English beaches.”

“Cornwall and the South-West will probably get the first wave of them.”

The Times claims that the globe-trotting bath toys have become collectors’ items, and sell for £500. If true, this could mean another greed-crazed beachcomber salvage flotsam bonanza frenzy, with hordes of opportunists descending on Cornish beaches hoping to get rich on the sea’s pale, plastic bounty.

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Surgeons from Thailand have reattached a vet’s arm after it was torn clean off by a 200kg Nile crocodile. Taiwanese vet Chang Po-yu was attacked by the crocodile as he tried to remove a tranquilizer dart from the animal’s arse. Colleagues of the vet were forced to reach inside the reptile’s mouth to retrieve the severed limb.

The Liberty Times newspaper said Chang failed to notice that the creature had not been fully anesthetised when he stuck his arm through the iron railings of its enclosure. Zookeepers fired bullets at the crocodile’s neck to get it to release its vice-like grip on the torn forearm.

“The crocodile was unharmed as we didn’t find any bullet holes on its hide,” said Chen Po-tsun, a zoo official. “It probably was shocked and opened its mouth to let go of the limb.”

The vet was rushed to hospital along with his arm in a cooler box and surgeons managed to reattach it in a seven-hour operation. The 17-year-old reptile is one of a pair of Nile crocodiles kept by the Kaohsiung zoo. Known as a man-eater because of its voracious nature, the crocodile is listed as an endangered species and is rapidly disappearing from its native African habitat.

Chen said the zoo purchased the crocodile 10 years ago from a local resident who had kept it as a pet.

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At least she’s got a matching pair now!…

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Apples new iPhone combines three products — a revolutionary mobile phone, a widescreen iPod with touch controls, and a breakthrough Internet communications device with desktop-class email, web browsing, maps, and searching — into one small and lightweight handheld device. iPhone also introduces an entirely new user interface based on a large multi-touch display and pioneering new software, “letting you control everything with just your fingers” (as opposed to what I ask myself?). So it ushers in an era of software power and sophistication never before seen in a mobile device, completely redefining what you can do on a mobile phone.

I love the look of Apple’s new device. The lack of buttons and touch screen interface are a massive leap forward in terms of mobile phone technology, and should have the usual bunch of mobile phone developers scratching around frantically in an effort to catch up with the technology and beauty of the iPhone. It can only be great news for me, you, gadget gurus and tackle tarts alike.

Take a closer look at the iPhone here.

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UPDATE: HITS SO FAR (09/02/07) = 100,007

I NEED YOUR HELP!

I’ve been working on a website or two for my Uncle. He made me a deal…

1 MILLION HITS in exchange for a TWO GRAND LAPTOP!

It’s as simple as that folks. I deliver him 1 million hits (not unique visitors but hits) and he stumps up £2,000 for my new power Laptop. This is where I NEED YOUR HELP!

All you have to do is spend a few minutes (and as many clicks as possible!) browsing his sites. His main site is connected with his art. Newton-Art.com contains samples of Steve’s paintings, drawings and etchings as well as books and academic papers he has had published.

Steve’s latest paper, (recently published in ‘State of Art’ Winter 2006), is entitled…

You may find it an interesting read as it covers methods of painting by voiding bodily fluids. I’ll say no more!

Steve’s other site is online but is still in it’s development phase. It forms a matching pair with his art site, being entitled “Newton-blues.com” and features Steve’s guitar playing and love of the blues. There’s already numerous tunes on the site that you can listen to for free. We hope to be getting some video performances on the site very soon so it’s worth bookmarking and checking back regularly.

My personal favourites are “Candyman“, “Cocaine Lil” AND “Hard Pill to Swallow“. Check the site out, have a listen and let us know what you think. All feedback is greatly appreciated, good as well as bad!

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL – FOR THE SAKE OF ONE MILLION HITS AND MY TWO GRAND LAPTOP – PLEASE RACK UP THOSE HITS!!

SO, LOYAL NEWTS DOT NETTERS, SEND THIS LINK TO ALL YOUR MATES AND HELP ME OUT. I’LL KEEP YOU POSTED ON MY PROGRESS.

[COPY AND PASTE THIS LINK INTO AN EMAIL AND SPREAD THE WORD] —>

http://www.thenewts.net/archives/2007/01/21/help/

Thank you ;0)

the newts.

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The FULL UNEDITED video of Saddam Hussein’s hanging.
Recorded by a witness on a mobile phone.

The last legal step, before the execution proceeded, was for Saddam to be handed a red card. This was completed by an official of the court with details of the judgment and a notice that execution was imminent. According to a senior Iraqi official, Saddam seemed “very calm and did not tremble” before his execution. Though, some reports say he struggled slightly while being retrieved from his cell. Iraq’s national security adviser, Mowaffak al-Rubaie, told Al-Arabiya television that Saddam refused to wear a black hood over his head and told him, “Don’t be afraid.” The former president recited the Shahadah, or Muslim profession of faith, but made no other remark as policemen escorted him to the scaffold.

There were no U.S. representatives present in the execution room. David MacDougall has reported to Fox News several details of what went on immediately before Saddam’s hanging based on reports he has been fed through an earpiece. He has stated that Saddam’s behavior was “submissive” and that he was carrying the Qur’an he had been keeping with him through his trials prior to his execution. Mowaffak al Rubiae, Iraq’s National Security adviser, who was a witness to Saddam’s execution described Saddam as repeatedly shouting “down with Persians.” Sami al-Askari, a witness to the death, said, “Before the rope was put around his neck, Saddam shouted, ‘God is great. The nation will be victorious and Palestine is Arab.’” After the rope was secured, guards shouted, “Supporting his son, Muqtada! Muqtada! Muqtada!” in reference to Mohammed al-Sadr and his son Muqtada al-Sadr; Saddam repeated the name mockingly and denounced the guards. He then recited the Shahadah again and was finishing another recitation when the platform dropped. One source gives his final words as, “Down with the traitors, the Americans, the spies and the Persians,” but this is not evident in the video footage. Another source has his final words as being part way through the Shahadah, which looks more likely to me on this video evidence.

Finally however, I must add that as evil and inhumane as Saddam was, should he have swung for it? Firstly his suffering is over. Surely a life incarcerated is the ‘ultimate’ price to pay. Secondly we have killed another human. Does that make us any less barbaric than him? But thirdly, and most importantly, I’ve got a feeling that some people in high places will be breathing a big sigh of relief that this potential witness has gone. It removes the possibility of any awkward questions being asked (and embarrassing answers being given) in trials for other crimes – such as what involvement western governments had in his regime over the years. Do you get the feeling that once again, the puppet masters have made a clean get away?

Then I see a picture of little Kurdish children, laying in the street, next to their mothers, where they fell, after being gassed by Saddam. Then I think, swing m*ther f*cker.

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“Off-licence chain Threshers is braced for an onslaught of bargain-hunting drinkers as an online discount voucher is downloaded by millions of people.

The 40%-off wine and champagne voucher was intended for suppliers and their friends, but has been distributed widely via blogs, email and chatrooms.” Read more of the BBC News story here.

In the meantime, download and print your own voucher, and bag yourself some cheap wine & champers this Christmas.

The offer is only valid until 10th December so act fast and pass this message on!

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“Footage of Australian naturalist Steve Irwin’s death will never be broadcast”

No? Well we’ve got the pictures already…

And rumour has it that the video will be leaked soon too. You know where you saw it first, so watch this space!

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I was shocked and saddened to hear this morning that daredevil reptile-botherer Steve ‘Crikey / Strewth Mate’ Irwin has been killed by a Stingray while filming in the Great Barrier Reef, off the Queensland coast in Australia. After seeing his exuberant and engaging programs on some of the worlds most dangerous animals, who could ever imagine he’d finally be beaten by a relatively harmless Stingray. It seems Steve got too close to the ray, swimming on top of the stingray and the stingray’s barb went up and into his chest and pierced his heart.

Obviously I didn’t know the guy personally, but I loved all his programs and he always came over as an out and out nice guy. I’m so saddened to think that we won’t see any new documentaries featuring Steve and his antics, and I just hope that they have enough footage of this new documentary he was filming up until his untimely death to produce one more great programme in rememberance of one great man.

My thoughts are with Steve’s wife Terri, their 8 year old daughter Bindi Sue, and two-year-old son Bob. How tragic to have such a young family torn appart.

Crocs Rule! And so do you mate.

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I hate this guy with vehemence. Always have done, always will do. I think he’s rude, obnoxious, unscrupulous, shifty and untrustworthy, and now we can officially add to that list an adulterous liar, AND if he doesn’t resign soon we can also add cowardly hypocrite.

I think back to pre 1997 and any time a Tory minister was caught out a certain John Prescott made huge political mileage out of their situation. And now he’s begging the media to leave him alone as it’s a private matter. It’s not a private matter when your banging your civil servant shag piece while your both on taxpayers time & tax payers property.

Was this really the same John Prescott at the 1996 Labour Conference speech:

“For too many Tories, morality means not getting caught. Morality is measured in more than just money. It’s about right and wrong. We are a party of principle. We will earn the trust of the British people. We’ve had enough lies. Enough sleaze”

Yes John, and we’ve had enough of you, now fuck off you 2 faced arsehole. Deputy Prime Minister? What a joke.

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What an absolute fcuking disgrace. I still can’t beleive it. Man U awarded a £30,000 lottery grant so it can send some of it’s fat staff to the gym for free. Un-fcuking-believable.

What’s more is that fact that this is disgraceful on a number of counts. Firstly, what possesed the richest / 2nd richest club in the world to ask for this money? Secondly what on earth were the lottery thinking in awarding it to them? And finally the gall of Man U for accepting it! How can this mega rich club who pays some of it’s players 4 times that amount every WEEK defraud desperately and genuinely needy causes. It’s disgusting. I sincerely hope the powers that be at Man U, and their BILLIONAIRE owner see sense very quickly and refuse or divert this money to a worthy cause. If not their name is going to be severely dragged through the mud, and they deserve every second of it.

A local charity where I live is trying to finance and build a hydrotherapy pool for profoundly disabled children. A resource that would give a number of severely disabled young children some respite from their daily pain and a little but of fun and excitement at the end of every day. The charity applied for some lottery funding, the lottery said NO. Go figure.

The Daily Mail summed it up perfectly. “Obscene”.

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I must admit that I was quite amused by the Labour party’s latest offering on the party political broadcast front featuring Dave the Chameleon, a little blue lizard spoof of David Cameron that changes colour to match his political environment. It’s an amusing little political broadcast, but I can’t see how it’s going to do the Labour party any favours. Why? Well:

1. The Labour party are now very obviously running scared of Cameron, enough to devote an entire party political broadcast to villainize him.
2. The fact Labour’s message is entirely negative suggests to me that they’ve got nothing positive of their own to say.
3. Is Cameron’s ability to address and appeal to a broad range of the political spectrum a bad thing?
4. Is Portraying the Conservative party as a changing and evolving party a good move for the famously re-branded yet politically stagnant NEW Labour? I think not.

It smacks of a desperate attempt to slur the opposition while the present government is running scared and running out of ideas to redress the bollix they’ve made of the country thus far. And do we really need our tax pound notes spent on spoof websites, podcasts and mobile phone ring tones when the NHS is verging on chaos and the rest of the world has it’s eyes firmly fixed on Iran’s next move.
I look forward to seeing a positive Conservative broadcast, I beleive it’s entitled ‘Vote Blue – Go Green’. The Green party may not be too pleased, but Friends of the Earth seem mighty pleased that Cameron is bringing crucial environmental issues to the political forefront. Just as Labours pledges are falling by the wayside.

But what’s funniest of all, the spoof has already been parodied:

Meet TONY the Chameleon!

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…For a story about a gay bloke found with an anally probed gay floater in his pool:

From Sky News – “New Barymore Probe”

Well, it made me snigger :0)

The BBC were a little more subtle.

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At last, someone in the legal limelight expressing a common sense view over the farcical and I fear irretrievable political correctness that is rapidly turning this country into a joke.

Judge labels case ‘PC gone mad’

Why it is that in Britain today, faceless bureaucrats whose names aren’t even known, apparently have the power to impose legal restrains on the speech of other citizens? And they can apparently do this without any law being passed through parliament, in complete defiance of the will of the vast majority, and without any form of accountability.

So isn’t it about time someone started a common sense party to sort this lot out? No, it’s too late. Just like it’s too late to stop the ‘Jobs for the Boys’, ambulance chasing, litigious leeches that are personal injury lawyers.

“financial rewards on offer to those who “farm” or generate claims – whether on the street, by telephone or door-to-door – encourage fraud.”
Well bugger me, who’d have thought that!

“Local authorities spent £20m in 2003 on road-related compensation, mostly on people’s “slip-and-trip” injuries. This figure is expected to rise to £30m annually within three years.” And whose taxes are paying that £30M bill I wonder?

Next time you ’slip & trip’, you don’t need a personal injury lawyer, you need to watch where you’re going and be more careful. And let’s put our £30M of taxes to better use than lining the pockets of fraudulent lawyers. Just an idea, but how about putting a permanent roof over the heads of the 100,000 children who have no home in the fourth richest country in the world.

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Former ‘Glam Rocker’ and convicted paedophile Paul Gadd aka Garry Glitter, pictured here live at the reading of the verdict at his trial in Vung Tau (Vietnam), is sentenced to 3 years in a squalid Vietnamese jail. As he left the court with a look of disbelief, he grabbed the microphone and shouted he was innocent and it was all a conspiracy!?

In his hey-day he sold 21 million records, a few weeks ago he faced the possibility of the firing squad. A grander fall from grace is hard to imagine.

You thought he might have learned from his conviction and jail sentence for possession of child pornography here in the UK, but no, he hot footed it to Cambodia. Even the 3rd world Cambodians saw through him and expelled him from their country. He ends up in a beach side villa in Vietnam, buying off women to lure kids to his home so he can “teach them English”, and when he gets found out he gets caught at the airport trying to hot foot it once again.

3 years in prison? For this evil and twisted, re-offending, remorseless psycho? They should have done the next country he’s going to be deported to in 18 months a big favour and shot the fucker.

UPDATE: Glitter’s appeal is rejected.

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I’m just reading a thread on the BBC News website regarding all the panic buying of fuel. After I got about half way down the long list of everyone’s doom and gloom stories I find this post:

I’ve put extra air in my bicycle tyres just in case.
Paul Doherty, United Kingdom

Fantastic! I’m still laughing now.

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With petrol prices at an incredible £1 a litre, unsurprisingly there’s whispers going around at the minute that a return to the refinery blockade fuel protests of 2000 are a very real possibility. There already seems to be signs of increased action at the petrol pumps around here, and the jerry cans seem to be more prevalent than normal.

Fuel protesters in Wales say they will stage a blockade on the M4 next Friday in the wake of rising petrol prices. The Wales protesters plan to stage a 20mph rolling blockade along the M4 from 0700 BST on Friday 16 September.

Mike Greene of the South Wales Hauliers’ Association – who was active in the 2000 fuel protests – said when the protesters returned to Cross Hands they would take a show of hands on whether or not to set up blockades at oil refineries.

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It’s a sad day today as after a period of illness Rach’s Grandad Wilf passed away this morning.

A wonderful guy who I’ve known for the past 10 years. He led a full and colourful life, accruing an army of friends along the way through his career in the Royal Navy and latterly in the transport industry. Wilf was always at the forefront in his work and social duties with his beloved Royal Naval Association right up until the final days. Never short of an opinion, yet always open minded enough to take on board the views of others, he was great for a debate. Worldy wise, politically assertive and wonderfully green fingered. A jack of all trades and a master of a few as well.

Im just so thankful he was there for the first 2 years of baby Ben’s life. They were so good together and had so much fun doing little boy stuff. It was Grandpa who taught him how to click his fingers, something Ben does every time he passes Wilf’s house or sees a picture of him. A small part of Wilf will forever live on in Ben. And while he may not be in touching distance, I’m sure he’s keeping an eye on his baby Ben and smiling down on us all right now.

Nelson’s famous signal “England Expects That Every Man Will Do His Duty” was made from the poop deck of the Victory at 11.15 a.m. on 21 October 1805 just minutes before the commencement of the Battle of Trafalgar.

* * *

I’m sure Wilf’s at peace knowing he did his.

Rachel’s thoughts.

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The Meniscus Film Festival is currently taking films for two strands of Films entries.

‘ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK’ film Competition and GENERAL entries.

The ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK films may be any original format and MUST be under 5 minutes. The Winner will receive the prestigious RAVENSCROFT short film Trophy and a £250 cash + £250 Ravenscroft voucher prize. Please send VHS Screening copy to address below. There is a £3.50 entry fee. Submission form and further details can be downloaded from www.meniscusfilms.com.

DEADLINE is September 30th so all you who fancy making a film go for it.

Meniscus is an independent film festival in its fifth year of existence. The festival is organised by a dedicated team of volunteers, including Tones, no one is paid for any of their work or assistance in organising the festival. The event is made possible by the good will and participation of independent filmmakers and a little sponsorship money from some very, very kind-hearted individuals and organisations.

Thanks go already to this years confirmed supporters.

Ravenscroft Cameras, Grimsby College, East Coast Media, Whitgift Film Theatre, Focus 7, Arts Graphica, MonteVideo

Contact; Meniscus c/o 158 Welholme Road, GREAT GRIMSBY DN32 9LP or through the website. Thats www.meniscusfilms.com. :)

Its all by and for local people and Bov and Gaz will join me in saying that it is a great nights entertainment, as well as the other cool films that are being shown that weekend.

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